March 2004
Everyone else is taking performance-enhancing
drugs—why not you?
...But unlike, say, the Oakland Raiders' defensive line, you'll do it right. None
of that testicle-shrinking, forehead-enlarging smack. What you'll want to try are
the ingenious new mixes of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, amino acids, and herbs that go by such Jetson -esque names as smart drugs, nootropics, nutraceuticals,
and ergogenics, but which I will refer to as Things That Make You Feel Better and
Think Sharper. Don't be frightened. I'm going to take all this stuff first.
I'll ingest it regularly for at least thirty days, and then I'll file my report.
Of course, a drug that makes me feel like the spawn of Stephen Jay Gould and Marion
Jones might make you break out in hives. If that happens, duh , stop. You know your
body better than anyone. Sure, this is territory uncharted by the FDA. But then
again, so is your daily multivitamin.
ESQUIRE DRUG OF THE MONTH: Proendorphin
What it is: A fine-tuned smart cocktail featuring B vitamins, the amino acid taurine,
laboratory-enhanced ginseng, and a mix of neuroamino acids described as "brain polishers."
Provenance: Developed to help athletes train harder and recover faster. Stimulates
the release of endorphins, the neurotransmitter responsible for "runner's high."
Also lowers cortisol, a tissue-damaging hormone the body pumps out under stress.
What it
claims to do: Increase mental awareness, energy, strength, endurance, and
aerobic capacity while decreasing lactic-acid buildup in muscles.
But does it deliver? Sweet Jesus, yes. Within minutes of mixing the Tang-colored
powder with water and drinking it, I have the desire to complete every task I've
been avoiding for the past several months and do sets of push-ups in between. It's a nicely amped feeling, with none of the jittery highs and jolting lows of less-refined
stimulants like caffeine or guarana. Later, I kick ass in a two-hour swim practice.
Side effects: First-time users might get a niacin flush, a hot, prickly sensation
on the skin. Suffer through; this one-time reaction simply means that your body
really needs those B vitamins. The second side effect is longer-lived: a total,
almost infantilizing dependency on the two-dollar-per-pack powder.
Off-label use: Best hangover cure ever.
Where to buy: Nutraceutics.com; $38 for a box of twenty.